Whew!

Well, this week has been a train wreck. I've been exhausted all week, been going into work late, I stayed home tuesday. Just not very functional in the general scheme of things.

I completed 3/5ths of my goal though... or I will this afternoon. I managed brief bouts of wii fit both monday and wednesday (half an hour each, a whole bunch of different exercises), and I plan to do it again tonight when I get home.

I also DID make flax bread (courtesy of my day off on Tuesday). I need to get a proper toaster, so I can toast it, because its a bit fluffy and airy for my general bread tastes. It's delicious with butter and honey though!

So, the goal next week is the same. I plan to make another batch of flax bread (perhaps 2 batches) on Monday (Memorial Day equals no work! Yay!) and also get some sandwich makings when I go to the store so I can take sandwiches to work, instead of buying lunch. On top of that, M-W-F Wii Fit. That's a lot for one week, so hopefully I can manage it.

I've been having a lot of trouble managing fatigue lately. I've been very tired this week, despite my going to bed early. When my alarm goes off at 7:30, I just can't will myself out of bed. Even if there's warm coffee waiting for me in the kitchen. [Courtesy of my super awesome boyfriend... who unfortunately goes in to work 2 hours before me.]

Part of the problem, I know, is that I am unhappy at work and I see very little point in going in these days. Today I heard about some possible progress and a possible return to my old project so, here's hoping I have purpose at work again soon.

Until then, I'm just going to work on getting my exercise in so that I can be healthier and sleep better. As well as just eating better generally speaking. With the flax bread I have managed to avoid the starchy carbs this week for the most part, but I have have executed a massive fail on the sugar front. That comes from it just being a rough week, though I know that at some point it does just make it worse. Doesn't keep me from eating the ice cream and sour patch kids though. Me and sugar have an instant gratification sort of relationship. We always have. I've eaten sugar like that since high school, and I know it's bad. I also know that the only way for me to defeat the weight at this point is to reduce the carbs and hit the relative gym (no actual gyms). And attempt restraint on the sugar front.

In terms of motivation... When I started up the Wii the other day it reminded me that, according to BMI, a healthy weight for me is 129. Now honestly, I think I would be a stick at 129, and I don't think I could sustain that weight, but I am curious as to what being 129 would be like. Keep in mind that that's a 60 pound drop for me, and at the current rate/ without me spending money on a trainer to kick my ass, laser surgery (they do that for being overweight now) or a diet meal plan thing, that will take me years. To be honest, at this instant a trainer doesn't sound so bad, but I don't have the money. I have also realized that as long as I'm doing the exercises that work for my body (ie, not running) it's actually kind of fun. Wii Fit works as a consistent, light weight sort of exercise, but long term it's probably not going to be enough... if I want to get down to 129, which is less than I have ever weighed in my adult life. The lowest I remember seeing on the scale was 133, and that was my junior year of high school when I was doing yoga and being on dance team, as well as basically not eating (I was one of those sleep study internet friends sorts, food was not high on the priorities).

A lot of me would really like to get back to that lifestyle, but as an adult it's really difficult. Dance and yoga classes require money and time, cooking is a daily activity. Eating is built into the work day, exercise is not.

Admittedly, there is a 24 hour fitness in the basement of my building. Comparatively, they are a cheap gym and they do have Yoga and Pilates classes at times I could possibly manage (noon and 4:30). But I just checked and their monthly dues are 40 bucks. Yeah no. I need a Planet Fitness with good classes. But there aren't any that are convenient. Le sigh. Stupid gyms.

Anyway goals are

1) Flax bread sandwiches for lunch at least twice next week
2) Wii Fit MWF (and this coming sunday, double)
3) Zumba? Maybe?

Apartment Photos!

I bought a vacuum today! And I took photos of the apartment finally (now that we've been here for a month).

I have 2 goals for this coming week:

1) Wii fit or other equivalent exercise everyday
2) Make flax bread!

Flax bread is entirely fiber, and therefore is super low carb. I have everything I need to make it, and once I have, then I can start eating sandwiches and such again without having to deal with bread. Hurray!

Anyway, here are the apartment photos, taken with a panorama app for my phone.

The bedroom 

The bathroom and hallway

The kitchen, "dining room" and living room

We still don't have a dining room table, so it's not really a dining room yet. As you can see though, the living room is pretty big! We've had a few gatherings now (one fairly large one) and it fits everyone very well. I like it. :)

I'll let you know next week how my goals go.

Weekly Challenges

I know I have promised photos over and over. The problem is that the apartment is never completely clean, so I can never take the pictures. Don't worry though, we're having a gathering on Friday for Jon's birthday. The place will be as sparkling as possible, so I will take pictures Thursday night or Friday pre-party. I will post them when I next post after that.

This post isn't just to tell you all that I fail at keeping things clean. This post is to write down my new initiative. 

So, I have achieved step one of my 3 step plan for happiness. I am happy at home. There are still a few things we need/ it would be nice to have, but they're extras and they can wait. Home is a good place to be, and at about the 3 week mark, it's starting to feel like home too. Slowly building that threshold that demons etc can't cross uninvited. It's nice to feel like I have one. Comforting, even. Anyway, supernatural musings aside, I have a happy home and now it is time to address step 2. Myself.

Now, this has never been a personality thing. I am happy with who I am and the way I behave and react to things for the most part. Sure there are a lot of things I don't necessarily handle very well, but a lot of that is my youth and something that must be learned over time. It's not something I can simply "fix" in the way that I can sort of fix the other things that bother me about myself. I have 2. Both are difficult, both I have battled previously, both are tenacious and need a serious putting-in-their-place. The first is my weight, which I have obviously addressed here before. The second is my acne, which I will discuss later down the road when we finally get to step 2b. Right now, step 2a. weight. 

I just had an idea for a plan of attack, and I hope I will be able to pull it off. 

Weekly challenges. 

Each week, I will give myself one weight-loss related challenge. The challenge will be something that carries throughout the week like: make your own, low-carb, high calorie lunches all week, or go swimming for 30 minutes each evening, or go to zumba class twice, or eat carb-free dinners. 

My task is to, at least to start, complete that challenge and only that challenge each week. If I start doubling up, I will fail both. So, one challenge at a time, if I do some of the other stuff too, great! But it shouldn't interfere with my challenge for the week. 

If I am successful, I should earn rewards. I think the only legitimate reward that will motivate me is going to be money, so, I'm going to move a certain amount of money (say, 10 bucks) each week I am successful into a "buy something for Kiersten" fund. Eventually I'll have enough to buy one of the big things I want. (an xbox, a kitty cat, a bigger tv etc etc). 

So that's the plan. I'll start next week. I think with lunches.