1) Be Happy at Home

This is the order in which I will achieve happiness and get out of this "My life sucks and there's not much I can do" rut that I am currently in.

1) Be happy at home
2) Be happy with myself
3) Be happy with what I do

Right now, I am not happy with or in any of those places.

1) I am displeased with my living situation for a large number of reasons, most regarding that I live with my boyfriend in a 15 by 8 foot room in a house with 6 other people who don't know me at all. I love living with Jon (we have somewhat similar living styles) but the rest of it is awful.


2) For reasons already expounded in this blog I am sure, I am unhappy with my body. I feel chubby, am definitely 40lbs overweight and have semiconstant acne. It sucks.

3) I will not explain right now all the things that bother me about my work, but I am sure I will get there eventually.

I am going to tackle these in order. First I am going to tackle my housing problem. Those who have been reading this blog know that I have been mentioning moving since the middle of January. No, we have not moved yet. This is our definite last month in our current place. These are the things I eventually want out of my new home. These outline my goals so that I can 1) Be happy at home.

I want a cat (eventually).

I want to be able to separate entertainment and bedtime.

I want a living room I can invite friends to.

I want to be able to go to bed at 11 and not have to plug my ears because of loud talking or music.

I want to relax when I get home. I want my home to be a retreat: peaceful, comfortable; not chaotic and tense.

I want everyone in my home to care about my needs. And therefore I want the only people in my home to be my friends and loved ones.

I want to be able to control the way my home looks and feels, and not be burdened by the design choices of others. I want a space larger than 15 by 8 to play with.

I want my home to be clean, except when it is messy by choice. I want there to be enough space in my home that if it is messy, you don't trip over the mess.

I want to be able to arrive home and have something to do. I want to have space for a hobby. I don't know what that hobby will be, but I want room for it. Right now, even if I had a hobby, there is no space for the things, and no space to execute it.

I want to be able to go to the kitchen whenever I am hungry, rather than waiting until I think there is no one there. I do not want to avoid parts of my home.

I want my home to have a rust-free cleaned-when-I-think-it-needs-cleaning-no-sooner-no-later bathroom with only my things/ Jon's things on the shelves.

I want my things to have homes in my home. Not ragtag this-goes-here-because-theres-nowhere-else-to-put-it homes.

I want a refrigerator I can put my magnets on. I want a refrigerator filled with my food and thats it. No assigned shelves, I can put things where they belong.

I want to finally be able to make that spice rack that Alton Brown has, and use it.

I want a home that's impeccably organized, because it started that way.

I want my things to match. Matching linens, matching furniture, matching colors. I want my home to be well designed and look nice.

I want a place to call my own, my house, my apartment, my bathroom, my kitchen. I want things my way in this space, and no one to challenge that.

It frustrates me that I don't have these things. I hope to have them soon. I'm waiting for the phone to ring and someone to tell me "Yes, you can have this apartment that you looked at, please move in ASAP!"

I'm waiting for that call, waiting for that space, waiting for the moment when all is right with at least one part of my world. As soon as I achieve that, the first, easiest, most important thing, then and only then can I truly turn to the other problems in my life. And trust me, this weight business is first on the list.

I'll write again with a progress report on housing next week.