I wanted to write about myself and veganism/ vegetarianism/ other dietary choices I have made. Over the course of my growing-up as a foodie (which I am by no means done with) I have had various bouts and forays into the meatless and dairyless cuisines. Sometimes it was out of necessity, sometimes accidental and sometimes deliberate. My conclusion was, in the end, that very little less than a truly omnivorous diet is sustainable for me.
Towards the middle of high school, I made an ethical decision to seriously cut back on the amount of red meat I consumed. This meant no hamburgers, abstaining when my family had steak, and while not a true red meat, avoiding pork all together. I ate chicken and fish. Mostly chicken. Or I ate vegetarian. I think this might be where my love affair with cheese-as-a-protein began, as well as my forays into tofu and eggs-as-not-breakfast. I ate like this for 3 years. I would cave and have a cheeseburger from In-n-Out about once every 6 months, but for the most part, I never ate cow or pig.
In terms of body shape, during this time I was the skinniest I have ever been, but I think it was because of other factors. I was exercising regularly (bi-weekly yoga class, during school hours) and I was also skipping meals. I recently read a journal entry of mine from either junior or senior year where I had purchased a chocolate muffin as my only lunch (and then proceeded to pocket it for later maybe), but a friend went and got me sushi, and then I wasn't hungry at dinner time and so I skipped dinner. I probably didn't have breakfast that day either. Thinking about the way I sometimes ate in high school leaves me wondering if my friends were secretly concerned. I was on a pretty harsh medication at the time (Acutane, for systemic acne. This is the acne drug that frequently causes depression) and I think that may have affected a whole lot of the way I was behaving and eating.
Eventually, I started having awful cravings whenever steak appeared. It just smelled and looked so good! So I would have a piece or 2. You know how sometimes certain foods just taste like your body needs them? Like they're nourishing you in a new way that you had been missing. That was the way I felt about steak. I still feel this way occasionally. There are vitamins in steak that my body does not get any other way. So I went back to eating the way my family did.... when I was with my family.
At this point I was in college, and eating at the buffet-style cafeteria every night. Meat was generally untrustworthy. It was occasionally good, but for the most part, I stayed away. I ate vegetarian on weekdays. Steamed vegetables, salad, tofu, cheese. The occasional slice of pizza, chocolate milk. Potatoes and pasta. I would often eat chicken or seafood on saturdays when we went out to eat, but for the most part my diet was meatless.
Needless to say, since I've already said it on this blog, all that pasta and potatoes got to me. I gained weight like crazy. I was not really eating the right things for my body, though I wasn't particularly aware of it at the time. I knew I needed protein, but I grabbed fatty proteins that were then partnered with either sugar or massive amounts of heavy carbs. I wasn't eating what I will call a "clean-diet."
Towards the end of my college career, I took note of how much weight I had gained. I was unhappy, so I tried to change things. The summer before my senior year I went on the South Beach Diet with both of my parents. I lost 15 pounds because all I ate was clean protein and vegetables, with relatively limited dairy. Towards the end of this, I had been contemplating veganism. My thought process was that I would lose a lot of weight if all I ate was salad. There is, of course, much more to veganism than salad. Vegans rely on starches to complete their proteins. It's a necessary part of their diet to have both the beans and the rice. But I had learned at school (though not in class) that a diet of veggies and starch didn't work for me. Also, my love affair with cheese was in the way. I thought about it, but I realized that I would give up many things I love for a lifestyle that may not work the way I want, and that would in the end become a chore rather than a tasty new way of living. I couldn't go vegan, and so I had to find another way.
The South Beach diet did work for me, but it was very restrictive. While there are plenty of things you can make, it is both carb counting and calorie counting, to some extent. I found myself hungry nearly all the time. And while I could snack, the snacks were difficult for me to prepare and bring to work. Nothing is easier to snack on than free goldfish and pretzels. Celery sticks and ricotta, or lunchmeat roll ups left me feeling somewhat lacking for the amount of work put into their preparation. And so I caved, and dropped the diet.
At first I maintained the weight loss. When I first returned to college, I managed to eat right for the most part. Then the financial drain and the constant presence of pizza began to take its toll. It was cheaper for me to sneak into the cafeteria, and to eat the pizza that my friends bought, than to take the time and money to buy vegetables and clean proteins for myself. The diet fell apart, and I re-inflated.
This brings us to the time already accounted for on this blog, between graduation and now.
My dieting in January and February was mildly successful. My weight has somewhat come back since, but I haven't gained it all back, and with a little bit of effort it goes down again. I was having a discussion with a friend the other day about weight gain (as she has had some problems with it) and she mentioned that the hormones in birth control during the first couple months could be part of the problem. I restarted BC in December; making January and February months 2 and 3. The tough ones. Now that I have been on it for longer and my body is more used to it, I should be able to get over the weight loss roadblocks.
The plan ahead is low-carb, but delicious I am sure.
I will post apartment photos as soon as I have the chance to tidy up and take them.
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